But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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