They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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