I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
