why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Is it because I queefed?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
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