I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
