The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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