he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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