So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
