On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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