Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
