i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
