WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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