unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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