I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
