I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
