...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
