If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
