the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
