i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
True strength comes from lack of pants
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
