it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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