nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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