I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
