And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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