He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
