im holly from the hills drunk
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
