just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
3 2 1 whiskey
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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