So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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