Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
