In the future we'll all be gay
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
ttyl tear gas
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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