Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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