She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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