So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I lost the right to judge tonight
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
