last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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