We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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