i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
