The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
