Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Even my vagina gasped.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
