Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
