okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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