I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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