Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
