Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
