Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
