Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
