my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
