atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
