Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
