the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
