Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
