I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
