We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I am one with the molecules
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
